The Navigation Codex isn’t always a pain free process, especially when you realise you have been swimming upstream your entire life toward goals that were never yours. Understanding you want to swim downstream toward goals that naturally feel aligned with you can cause a dark night of the soul.
When adopting natural flow as your driver, there is always going to be a tipping point where the resistance you have built up over your life comes knocking and it doesn’t act in subtle ways.
This article explains why you go through this transition, allows you to understand it and also gives you practical small steps to help it pass.
The Moment of Recognition
For some people, the moment of recognition can be almost instant and others it may take time as you adopt natural flow in your life. However long it takes, it can be a very jarring experience.
Questions begin to arise as you begin to realise the small natural flow alignment steps are working – questions that are going to throw even the most mentally prepared people off guard.
- Who’s life have I been living?
- Why did I choose this career path?
- Why did I allow this person into my life?
- What made me chase this goal?
The truth is, all of these questions arise from resistance patterns, some of which you may not have realised existed in your life.
The weight of expectations is common in how people navigate their life before embracing authenticity and natural flow.
Why We Swim Upstream in the First Place
From an early age we are being conditioned to meet other people’s expectations. Some of it is nefarious, but other times, people simply think they are acting in your best interests by imparting ‘wisdom.’
The road to hell is paved with those good intentions and people are barraged with expectations from every direction.
Family Expectations
Most families (not all) will want the best for their constituents, including you. But each and every family puts unrealistic expectations on their members. For example, every family has a different idea of what success looks like and then pushes a family member toward that ‘success.’
In western families, it tends to be financially driven, whereas eastern families also value financial stability but also emphasis particular types of status. This is simply cultural resistance that has been passed down generationally.
- You must buy a house to be successful,
- You must continue the family line/find a spouse,
- You should go to university and get a degree,
- You should become a doctor/lawyer/other professional.
These are just a few examples, in the UK it is very common for traditional families to expect their children to continue the family business or trade – which is all well and good, but it is not likely to be the journey you authentically want to make.
If it is, then great, but if it isn’t then the weight of such expectations can be horrible.
Social Expectations – What Causes the Dark Night of the Soul?
The family expectations are normally deeply interpersonal expectations, which are typically formulated according to social conditioning.
Society puts an immense amount of false pressure on people, either through the rule of inequitable laws or subversively through the education system.
Role-models are held up in society as ‘good moral people’ that have achieved x by y date.
It is little wonder that millennials and generations younger than them are now frequently giving up and living unfulfilled lives because the societal expectations are now so far upstream, only a lucky few can reach them – and even when those few do, they are not happy, because it is not what they wanted to begin with.
Society is broken in this respect, here’s some examples:
- House prices are always rising exponentially while young people barely earn enough of a wage to save a deposit, let alone qualify for a mortgage.
- The divorce rate is stupidly high where people are entering into marriages they probably wouldn’t have if living authentically.
- This is having a systemic knock on effect where young people see how broken the system is and say, ‘fuck it,’ I’m not reproducing and bringing a child into this mess.
The Role of Fear Based Choices and Inherited Dreams
Overall, expectations from society or friends and family comes down to two simple drivers. Fear or inherited dreams.
Fear driven expectations are predominantly around thoughts like ‘you need security, approval from peers or status.’
Inherited dreams are a bit self-explanatory in family settings where parents might push you toward fulfilling a dream, they were never able to achieve. Societally there are also inherited dreams such as fulfilling community and national ambitions.
Why Natural Flow Change Causes a Dark Night of the Soul
Resistance patterns build up and accumulate to the point you will have been fighting the current so long that you forgot it required a tremendous amount of effort. It is akin to a soldier fighting in a war for years and becoming desensitised to the conflict, they learn to exist despite the brutality.
These resistances cause mental burnout. In the same way that being in a state of conflict for a prolonged period of time rewires a soldier’s brain.
The things you were told to seek that will make you happy, just don’t. It is all ashes in the mouth once you have achieved it and then you move onto the next goal that external expectation has burned you with.
Ultimately, either you swim upstream and receive success but feel empty inside or you fail to meet other people’s goals and feel like a failure or frustrated at your lack of progress.
When you adopt natural flow, your body so conditioned in the way of resistance sets off alarm bells.
The Courage to Turn Around Despite the Alarm Bells
First, fear is going to grip you because resistance feeds off of fear.
‘If I stop swimming upstream, I will lose everything.’
Then there is going to be a grief period. You have to remember that however unhealthy or unfulfilling your resistant life was, you were married to it. You identified with it. You will encounter some form of mourning as you give up the old life you thought you wanted.
Sometimes, the grief can be coupled with confusion. It is very rare for anyone to be able to align with natural flow immediately, in fact, it is more a skillset you build. The confusion will ask you fear based questions like, ‘if not my old life, then what instead?’
Now throw in a healthy dose of condemnation from loved ones and society in general because you are no longer conforming to their expectations – it is very easy to see why abandoning resistance can be extremely challenging.
What Swimming Downstream with Natural Flow Feels Like Initially
When you bear the above in mind, when you initially adopt natural flow practices you will likely experience the following.
- Disorientation – it can feel odd following your intuition instead of making decisions out of fear or resistance.
- Fear and uncertainty – initially, as you develop your natural flow rhythm, you will realise you have no map for where you’re going.
- Guilt – this can be self-guilt, like feeling like you should be working harder like you used to when you forced upstream or guilt in general because you feel being authentic will let other people down.
- Isolation – this may or may not be the case, but sometimes, people around us don’t like who we are authentically because we no longer dance to their tune. This can cause ostracization. It can also be a little lonely in general as people around you are probably still battling upstream and don’t understand your flow state development.
The Depression Phase Between Resistance and Natural Flow
When you have committed to natural flow, there is almost always a period of depression. This isn’t depression in the clinical sense although it can certainly feel that way.
It is what is commonly taught in wisdom schools as the dark night of the soul.
Although it may last for a number of nights or weeks. It really depends on your ability to understand what is happening and the steps you take to optimise your natural navigation out of this phase.
The depression occurs because your old motivations are dead, and your new motivations are not crystalised in your mind. Withdrawing energy from upstream battles floods you with a surge of natural energy that can cause anxiety peaks and restlessness.
Activities you do in this phase can feel meaningless because you have not yet naturally aligned with your goals.
Just remember, you are doing this for a reason. The phase will pass and ultimately with the abundance and self-rewarding aspect of natural flow, it will be a valuable and worthwhile phase to go through.
Signs the Phase is Ending and Natural Flow is Strongly Emerging
You will sense when the transition from resistance to natural flow begins to complete when the following happens:
- It becomes easier to make decisions that feel naturally aligned with who you are authentically.
- Opportunities in your life begin to emerge without forcing.
- You begin to worry less about what other people will think of your decisions.
- What you previously felt you should want dissolves and what you actually want emerges.
The Resistances You May Encounter from Others
During this transitional phase it will be incredibly easy for others to think something major is going wrong in your life. It won’t look like you moving away from everything that was majorly wrong to an outside perspective. Only you will have that natural conviction.
Family members might ask what you’re doing because you were doing so “well” beforehand, completely missing the point you were never doing well beforehand by any internal metric.
Friendships will change. Some friends will gravitate more toward you because they appreciate the authentic you. Others may distance themselves because they don’t like who you are once the mask has been removed.
Society in general is always pre-programmed to make individuals conform and swim upstream. You will need to learn to adjust to your life in that society and navigate naturally while being aware of the barriers, society puts in your way.
The great thing about natural flow alignment is that once you are swimming downstream, it becomes fluid, and easy. You won’t envy the people around you who are living in resistance; you will just admire your personal journey and successes.
Supporting Someone Learning to Flow – Dark Night of the Soul
If you have already decided to adopt a natural flow lifestyle, you will know firsthand the difficulty of the transition period. If you haven’t but a friend or loved one is attempting to move away from a resistant lifestyle, it can be challenging to understand.
Either way, this is an internal journey. You can provide comfort and support but beyond that, there is little you can – or should do.
Telling them they should reverse course and adopt upstream living may seem sensible if they are struggling during the transition period, but the truth is, often, for anyone who has committed to natural flow, this will seem combative and resistant rather than helpful.
It may also prolong the period they adjust to giving up resistant life, which ultimately, is good for no one.
What Life Looks Like In Natural Flow
Once the transition is complete, you will notice your alignment with flow changes how you view the world and the action you take toward your authentic goals. Instead of forcing outcomes and struggling, your efforts will become strategic.
You won’t be constantly grinding to get results; your intuition will guide you to take action when it is necessary to achieve what you want. Your successes feel satisfying because they genuinely belong to you.
The people that appreciate you for your authenticity will gravitate toward you, strengthening and deepening those connections.
Finally, work feels more like play. You will be doing things you actually want to do, and happiness doesn’t seem some far off emotion, it becomes a consistent aspect of your life.
Practical Steps to Help During the Transition Period
So far, I have explained what’s happening, why it’s happening and what you can expect. Let’s look at some practical steps you can take during the dark night of the soul period to ease discomfort and help you reach alignment smoothly.
Stop Making Big Decisions – Dark Night of the Soul
During a dark night of the soul, your navigation compass is pointing in all directions. It is nigh on impossible to optimally make big decisions. You should defer meaningful decisions until you have emerged into alignment.
There are of course exceptions to this rule if your life simply won’t permit you to delay an important decision. Removing toxic relationships or combatting obvious sources of misery are decisions you need to make irrespective of your stage in the process.
If people pressure you to make decisions that are non-urgent, simply explain ‘I’m taking a little time to myself to clear my mind before deciding.’
Appreciate Simple Daily Structure
While it may feel everything is swirling during a dark night of the soul and shifting around you, there are some great steps you can implement in your daily life to ground yourself.
During the morning create a little routine that involves self-care such as a bath or shower and spend time out in nature on a walk or a run if that’s your thing.
Water is extremely therapeutic because it is the physical representation of flow alignment, so if you ever needed an excuse for a relaxing bath, you have it.
In the evening, take time to appreciate the experiences you had that day. Pinpoint where you felt more flow, observe where you encountered resistance. All without judgement.
The Energy Test for Decisions During the Dark Night of the Soul
Not all decisions in life are the major decisions I mentioned above. You will have countless daily decisions to make. When faced with a decision, ask does this solution energise me or drain me?
Am I feeling enthusiastic or dreading the prospect?
Only follow what energises you. Say no to anything that will drain you.
Limit the Outside World – Dark Night of the Soul
In spite of what people believe, the world isn’t going to leave you behind. Use this time to switch off your news feeds, stay away from or limit your time on social media.
Reduce your reliance on others for advice. If other people chime in with advice, learn to politely decline it.
Create a space for your own thoughts and intuition to emerge without any external influence.
Embrace the Unknown – Understand the ‘I Don’t Know.’
It is extremely easy to see ‘I don’t know’ as a weakness. But it isn’t when you genuinely don’t know.
Let go of the need to have answers immediately. Practice saying ‘I don’t know and that’s okay.’
Uncertainty is a completely natural state during ANY transition, so don’t expect this to be any different.
In this scenario, not knowing is actually the antidote to the false sense of knowing you had been creating for yourself before.
Experiment with Micro-Flows – Dark Night of the Soul
Spend time each week doing something that feels great that you’re naturally drawn toward, just because.
Don’t set goals or outcomes or try to justify why you’re doing it beyond your basic enjoyment of the experience.
Soon you will be able to build up from small flow expressions into more prolonged periods of flow alignment. And that’s the battle won right there.
Protect Your Energy and Practice Saying No
In resistant life, people say yes to things that don’t align with them all the time because they feel obligated by other’s expectations. How many times have you said yes to something you really didn’t want for yourself because you felt you ‘should’ say yes.
Don’t be guilted into feeling like you’re being selfish. You’re not being selfish. You’re protecting your integrity and the only reason people don’t like it, is because you are no longer marching to their tune.
Saying no doesn’t mean shirking responsibility for your choices. Don’t think you get out of taking the trash out for example, you made choices, you have responsibility.
Saying no is more about decisions where the outcome doesn’t align with you and is not part of your existing responsibilities from your previous decisions.
If you feel previous decisions have led to forced choices being made now that don’t align with you, then address that when you’re out of the transition period and remove that negativity from your life when you have the intuitive clarity to do so.
If You Want – Journal Without Resolution or Judgement
Some people find it useful to just scrawl thoughts, feelings, and experiences down.
This can be extremely helpful when experiencing a dark night of the soul as allows you externalise some of those internal thoughts.
Don’t try to analyse what you’re writing. Answers and resolutions will come in time.
A journal is fantastic if you want to utilise it because it is private to you and is without external judgement. At the same time, it can be easy for us to slip into self-judgement, which you should avoid when transforming your life in this way.
Your thoughts, feelings and experiences are legitimate – no matter how you think someone else would view it if they were to stumble across what you have written.
For Anyone Swimming Upstream and Exploring Flow
If you have found yourself reading this and it all seems a bit alien but also compelling enough to get this far. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself to ascertain if you are ready to adopt a more flow based approach to life.
- Do I feel like something is missing?
- Am I finding myself drained emotionally and physically?
Those two questions that nag at you are your intuition, sometimes it screams at you to change course and other times it persistently coaxes you away from upstream living.
Trust that inner guidance, which is your navigation compass telling you that opportunities are around the corner when you adopt flow alignment in your life.
Trust Yourself – Dark Night of the Soul
Although I have gone to great lengths to explain what your dark night of the soul will feel like and the practical steps you can take to ease it, this is purely for informational guidance in the sense that I am not telling you how you should feel.
Treat it more as an invitation to explore what your inner compass wants for you in life rather than me as an external person telling you how you should go about your life.
It is always your choice whether to follow my guidance or disregard it, I have no qualms at all about that. I share the message, you like it, or you don’t. Your sovereignty and authentic expression are always paramount.